Comfort
by Gater101
Summary: [OneShot] He backed away from the door back to the comfort of denial. Season4


Title: Comfort  
Summary: He moved back from the door; back to the comfort of denial.  
Characters: John, Nancy, Teyla, Rodney.  
Pairing: John/Teyla, John/Nancy and Teyla/Kanan.  
Rating: K  
Spoilers: Missing, Seer, Outcast

John sighed as he sank into the comfortable leather chair. It was old, worn and almost tatty but he didn't care; it had been his favourite chair since he was about ten years old. The antiquated leather cushions seemed to welcome him back with open arms and he closed his eyes as he refamiliarised himself with the overwhelming comfort of the cuddling arms and back. He sighed in pleasure and bit into his bottom lip as he felt the muscles in his aching back relax.

He opened his eyes and gazed out at the blistering cold night. The snow was now lying thick and heavy on the ground, on the bare trees, on anything that could be covered. The fat flakes has thinned out and turned into small glaciers but had at least quadrupled in quantity. The orange glow of the streetlights glinted off the glistening blanket, slight winds gusted the snow around into tiny spirals, highlighting the glittering surface of the fluffy segments.

He loved snow.

He turned away from the window and settled his eyes on the large tree in front of him. Nancy had always been a perfectionist, even when she was trying to meld the old traditional baubles she'd inherited from her parent's parents with the new, glittery, jazzy glass baubles that they'd bought together for their first tree. He could even see some of them glittering there before him and he prided himself on his ability to remember such a small detail as that. There was even one, shaped like a bell that, initially, he'd thought was the cheesiest thing ever since it had the _infamous _line from "It's a Wonderful Life" that she'd picked up in a small, obscure gift store and fallen in love with. And he'd fallen more in love with her when he saw her enthusiasm over it and instead of telling her how he really felt about the bauble, he'd bought it for her. He wondered if the glittery J+N he'd glued onto it was still on the bottom.

He was about to hoist himself out of the chair to go and check when he felt his mobile phone vibrating in his jean pocket. Startled and a little worried he quickly answered, saying his name in a hushed tone, not wishing to wake any of the other occupants in the house.

"Oh, hi. I didn't know if you'd still be awake."

"Well, you're lucky I'm enjoying the snow so much that I couldn't sleep." He glanced at the clock and saw that it was after two a.m.

"Aw man, you got snow? All we've got is some heavy frost and a few watery droplets trying for a cheap imitation of snow!"

John chuckled.

"I thought you said it always snowed in Canada at Christmas?"

Rodney huffed on the other end of the line and John smiled slightly. He'd never admit it but he was glad to hear from McKay.

"Well, apparently global warming's got a lot worse since the last time I spent Christmas here. Did you know that this is the _second _year in a row that it hasn't snowed here at Christmas? I mean, that's just ridiculous! I mean it's-"

"What did you call me for, McKay?" John interrupted, letting his amused irritation shine through in his voice.

"Oh, right... I just wanted to wish you and Teyla a Merry Christmas, is she there?"

John shook his head even though Rodney couldn't see him.

"No, she's in bed but I'll pass the message along."

"Oh, no, that's fine; I'll call you again later on today so I can speak to her."

A few months ago, John would have been surprised by this comment but ever since things had spiralled downwards in the John and Teyla department, things in the Teyla and Ronon and Rodney department had gotten a lot cosier. Not that John was jealous or anything, he was actually glad something had given Rodney something to smile about. And that Teyla had had someone to talk to

while he'd been... incapacitated.

"I'll tell her you called, regardless. She'll be glad to hear from you."

John could practically _hear _Rodney's smile from the other end of the line. He rolled his eyes.

"How is she anyway?"

"She's fine."

There was a pause on the line then he heard Rodney sigh.

"Is that it? 'She's fine?' The woman is pregnant; due any time now and all you can say is 'she's fine'?"

John was slightly startled by this but instead of being annoyed, he simply laughed it off.

"McKay, have you been drinking?"

There was another pause and John could practically see Rodney's indolent expression.

"I may have had one or two beers, yes. But that's not the point. If I didn't know how much she needed to sleep right now, I'd demand you go and wake her up so I could be sure how 'fine' she really is."

John raised his eyebrows as an amused smirk crossed over his face. He'd never heard Rodney like that and, if it had been anyone bar McKay – well, except maybe Ronon – he'd have found it almost endearing. But it most definitely wasn't; in fact, it was almost disconcerting.

"I think you should go to bed Rodney so that Santa can come and deliver your presents."

"Oh! I got you a present but I've let it back on Atl... you know. But I won't see you until then anyway so I guess it doesn't matter."

"It's the thought that counts."

"Unless I can give it to Santa when he comes and he can drop it off to you."

John laughed at that – loudly.

This was a side to McKay that he was sure no one had ever seen before. He wondered if Rodney even knew it existed before their conversation.

"I'll speak to you later, Rodney. Merry Christmas!" He hung up before his team mate could reply. He was pretty sure that McKay wouldn't remember the conversation by the time morning came and so was pretty damn sure that he needn't worry about his Playstation 3 going missing again.

He scrubbed at his suddenly very tired eyes and stretched in his chair, thrusting his arms over his head. He wasn't pleased by the cool blast of air that hit his exposed stomach and settled over the rest of his body so he stood and moved towards the staircase. As he ascended the staircase, walked down the corridor and passed the rooms that lined either side he found himself pausing for a moment outside her bedroom door.

Maybe he should check in on her, make sure she didn't need anything, or wasn't cold or...

He rolled his eyes at himself and moved towards the door, pushing it open slightly. When they'd been on the porch, she'd begun to shiver but refused to return to the house, claiming that her shivers were of excitement and not of the cold. But when he'd gripped her hand to help haul her up, she'd been icy cold. He'd almost shouted at her but he couldn't; he was too glad that she'd endured the cold to spend time with him.

He leant against the door frame and his eyes took in the sight of her lying tucked up beneath a thick feather quilt and a few layers of blankets. He told himself it wasn't weird because he was only stopping for a few seconds but when the seconds turned to minutes, he still couldn't convince himself to move. The sight of her hair sprawled across the pillow, her hand delicately placed under her cheek as she lay on her side in the spacious double bed had riveted him to the spot and his head was unable to override his heart's desire to stay.

He jumped slightly when he heard a floorboard creak behind him and he turned to see Nancy leaving her own bedroom. She smiled at him and walked towards him while John tried to look like he hadn't been watching the woman he'd admitted only to himself – and grudgingly – that he did perhaps maybe love her. A lot.

Nancy stopped beside him and smiled up at him as she folded her arms across her chest trying to ward off the creeping cold. She waited until he returned the smile – albeit uncertainly – before turning her eyes to what John had been looking at. He saw the small, knowing smile creep across her face and he scowled at it. He hated that smile. Unequivocally.

"She told me she's thinking about calling her child Doran if it's a boy." John felt his gut clench at that, hoping beyond all hope that Teyla hadn't told Nancy how she'd come about choosing that name. There was a pause where he felt Nancy's eyes trying to find his but he avoided them, training his vision on Teyla. Now he felt entirely uncomfortable. He never wanted to hurt Nancy. Never. "She said Doran was much more like a name her people would choose... as opposed to Dorian."

John closed his eyes, feeling the guilt build in his gut. He opened his eyes and his gaze found Nancy's. He scrubbed a hand down his face, trying to lessen the feeling of remorse that was building in him. He and Nancy had talked about baby names when she first got pregnant and he'd been adamant that his son would be called Dorian; he'd never been able to explain it but it was just a name he'd been drawn to his entire life. When she'd lost the baby and when he'd come back from another tour, he'd told her he didn't want any children, that that wasn't the life for him. She'd agreed that she'd never be able to change his mind.

"It's not..." But he didn't know what to say. He saw the tremble in her lip and he reached his hand out to her arm but she flinched away from him, shaking her head. "You know that... that's it's, _he's _not mine, right?" He didn't exactly know why he was trying to convince her of this, after all _she _was the one getting married to another guy.

"Not technically." He frowned at that and he saw the sad, defeated smile taint her lips. He never wanted to see it again if it meant he'd feel like the scum of the Earth. "But he will be." John moved to say something, to deny what she was saying, to voice his confusion but she silenced him with a finger to his lips. "You should tell her how you feel, John."

She kissed him on the cheek in his moment of dumbfounded immobility and moved past him back into her bedroom, closing the door with a resounding 'click'. He stood there for a moment, letting the symbolism of the action sink in.

They'd moved on.

He turned back to Teyla when he heard her shuffle and he sighed, his forearm bracing him against the frame. He leaned his head against the muscle and watched her in silent contemplation. Nancy's words came back to him but his fuzzy mind failed to comprehend them. The baby would never be his, especially if they found the Athosians... if they found Kanan. But then why...? He let the thought trail off, not wanting to voice it, even in his head.

Maybe he should tell her.

He frowned and bit the inside of his lip, his cheek and ground his back teeth together, his mind turning over and over and over.

Finally, after minutes of mental debating, he reached his decision. He took a step back, drawing the door closed with him. He stopped for a moment, his fingers resting on the handle for a few more seconds. He let them drop and made his way back to the living room. The comfort of the leather chair.

To the comfort of denial.


End file.
